My husband has been spending a lot of time in airports lately and decided to take my books for a whirl. I must admit, when he called me and said that he was well into “Wait for Me,” part of me cringed. I mean, my writer self is worlds apart from my everyday self. In real life, I’m boring and kind of bitchy and definitely not a siren. I’m a Scotch-Irish hard-head who doesn’t back down from a fight easily and admittedly has a sharp tongue when I’m tired (which is a lot.) My writer self is a lot more fun. I believe in sex on the fly, like to flirt shamelessly, and don’t worry too much about dishes or laundry. My husband doesn’t quite understand that I am two separate people. So, the inevitable happened. When he arrived home from his business trip, there was a spark in his eyes. Ladies, you know the one. I nervously asked him, “What’s up?” and he told me that he had no idea that I was so sexually creative. “I’m not,” I had to explain to him. “My writer self is.” Next, my blond husband wanted to know why so many of my male love interests have black hair but that’s a story for another day. I think that writers are like actors. A lot of us are shy, introverted even, self-doubters. Through our writing, though, we are set free. We can be whomever we want to be. I can be carefree, funny, sexy…and all three rolled into one. I can shed my earthly anxieties and explore the world in any manner I choose. Writers live in a two-sided mirror; I’m not just one side or the other, I’m both. I am serious and ambitious, but I’m also fun and exciting. Just don’t tell my husband.
You know when Target begins selling a line of adult toys based on a movie, the world as we have known it no longer exists. I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey. Not that I don’t love a good juicy book, but I think my parents were too fond of corporal punishment for me to ever find EL James’ brand of romance appealing. I won’t go see the movie either because I hate chick flicks. I always have. They don’t have enough twists and turns to keep me interested. My confession today, however, is that I am jealous as hell of EL James and her success. It doesn’t matter if I read her book or go to her movie; millions and millions of others have already filled my spot. It’s her complete and utter success as a self-publisher that has me peeved. Who among us hasn’t dreamed of that kind of success? When I watched a story about Reese Witherspoon talk on how she reads tons of books by women about women and chooses which ones to turn into a movie, my heart jumped. I mean, I’m a woman. I write about women. Sure, sometimes the women are ghosts, but they’re still women, right? Why couldn’t Reese Witherspoon pick up one of my books and be utterly fascinated? Even more, what’s stopping Princess Kate (I sell well in England) from reading one of my books and saying casually in an interview that I’m her favorite author? If she can cause a dress to be sold out in 45 minutes, imagine what she could do for my books. I was so jealous of EL James that I toyed with the idea of writing erotica. Then I realized that erotica doesn’t usually involve historical characters or a dead sister giving you advice from the beyond or an evil old witch placing a curse on innocent children. Unless I can create a whole new genre of paranormal, kind of creepy erotica, I think my career as an erotic writer can’t get off the ground. I wish I could say that I hope the best for EL James. I wish I was a better person. That green-eyed monster is a powerful thing, though. My hope is to someday make some other frustrated writer as jealous as I am today.
“Writers aren’t people exactly. Or, if they’re any good, they’re a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person.”–F. Scott Fitzgerald
I remember when I was a teenager, I thought to myself that no one really knew who I was. In true teenage form, I pretended to be who my friends wanted me to be. I was the sweet one, the understanding one, the one who never rocked the boat. It wasn’t who I truly was, it was just what the group needed. Even now, many years beyond my teens, I’m different people. At work, I’m the responsible one, the one that never says “I don’t have time.” To my family, I’m the problem solver, the one who always has a solution in times of trouble. If you ask my sons, they will say I’m the mean one, the one who over-reacts when we wait too long to get seated at a restaurant. Sorry, but I thought two hours was an excessive amount of time to wait. I didn’t yell, I just expressed my displeasure. There are few people who know who I really am; sometimes I even forget who I really am. Writing brings you back to yourself, though. Writing has a beautiful way of emptying your mind of all of the noise and focusing on the new world in which you want to live for the next three months. Fitzgerald was right. We are a whole lot of people. Sometimes I’m brave like Amy (Wait for Me). Sometimes I make really bad decisions like Grace (Saved by Grace). Sometimes I want to stick my head in the sand like Ellie (Second Chance). All of those women in my books are me and I’m those women. I’m in the middle of a life transition right now. We’re packing up our house in the Midwest and moving to Florida. My parents need me and as a friend said, it’s a nice thing that they live in Florida and not North Dakota! My writing is on hold but in a few months (if the real estate market is kind) I should be back at the keyboard while watching the sun set over the Gulf. I don’t have the main character figured out yet because I don’t know who I’ll be in the Spring. I’m looking forward to finding out.
I’ve written time and time again about how writing takes dedication. It takes commitment. It takes your full concentration. Well, so do your parents. My dad became ill during my parents’ first week in their new home. He ended up in the hospital while my mom remained in the middle of stacks of boxes, unsure of even where her silverware was hiding. My husband and I headed for not-so-sunny Florida and helped set up their household in between visits to the hospital and sleeping in a very uncomfortable bed. It was a pretty bad week. Like a true writer, though, I kept filing away my experiences for later examination and use. For example, what type of person thinks it is okay to let his dog sprawl out on the couch in a hotel lobby? I want to know more about the two older women who came to the grocery store in a golf cart and bought flowers and wine. Why is the security guard at the front of my parents’ neighborhood taking his job way too seriously? Then there’s Dee, my parents’ friendly neighbor, who was raised in the Bahamas and told us the history of her home country as well as making us a pie from the oranges off my parents’ tree. My dad’s brother, Uncle Bo, was in town, too. I grew up with my dad’s family but have not had a lot of chances to see them in my adult life. Every time I spend time with them, though, I remember how quirky, funny, and downright odd my dad’s family can be. Scotch-Irish, they are born story-tellers. They are not much into watching television or reading; but they can keep you occupied for hours with their tall tales. Spending time with my dad’s family reminds me of who I am and where I come from. It reaffirms what I do. So, I didn’t write a single word while I was away, but I guess I was on a sort of a research trip. It’s nice to be home again, though, and feel the keys beneath my fingers.
I love my husband. I just wanted to put that out there before I go any further. He’s a timeless jock with a heart of gold and shows his love through his actions. When I was a young, very poor, woman, in my first apartment and facing a Christmas without any means to celebrate, he surprised me with a Christmas tree and box of lights and ornaments. I knew that night that I would marry him. How could any woman pass up somebody that kind? He’s quite a guy. He is not, however, the smoothest talker in the world. He often says things that make my eyebrows jerk together. Tonight, as I tried my protect myself against the Midwestern winter winds by turning on our fireplace, he asked me one of those very unsmooth questions. “Are you semi-comfortable yet?” He was warm and wanted to turn the fireplace off. Was I semi-comfortable? Is that the best it’s going to get for me? Not “comfortable” just “semi-comfortable.” I could have been irritated at his question, but I just filed it away in the dialogue folder in my brain. You see, I am surrounded by an odd assortment of people who say odd things often. If you’re a fan of my books, you know that my male characters are often not sophisticated or smooth and sometimes trip over their own words. In Lost and Found in Laurel Ridge, when Trey calls Erin “boo” and she says “What have I told you about that?”—–that comes right out of my own life. In Wait for Me, when Kevin’s dad says “I-talian” with a long “i”—yep, that’s my dad talking. I don’t have to go searching for inspiration; these people I love are feeding me the words constantly. Semi-comfortable yet? I will find a place for that question in one of my future books. Now, excuse me while I put on a second layer of socks.
Last week, when I published my newest book “The Curse of Elspeth Armstrong,” I did so with a sigh of happiness. Writing is my second job and sometimes I just need a vacation. As I’ve blogged before, though, my vacations don’t last very long. I don’t go searching for new ideas, they come and find me. As I relaxed on my sofa last night, yelling out answers to Jeopardy and feeling pretty darn smart, my next set of characters came a-knockin’ and I spent the evening getting to know them. They were still on my mind this morning while I was driving to work and then the strangest thing happened. Characters from “started but not finished” stories began nudging their way into my head. Just like any aspiring writer, I have a half-dozen unfinished books saved on my computer. They started off as great ideas but just couldn’t be developed past the first few chapters. So, sitting on my hard drive are a bunch of characters who were never given a chance. Suddenly, the shady brother from a book I started years ago seemed a perfect fit for my new book. Another character, a woman who had just not been strong enough to carry her own story, stepped up to play the teen daughter. As I continue to daydream about my next novel, I’m open to any of my old characters that would like a second chance. I would really love for them to find a new home in the strange and weirdly wonderful writer’s corner in my mind.
My newest book, The Curse of Elspeth Armstrong, is now available on Amazon.com. Like my first book, Wait for Me, I explore the theme of trying to set right wrongs of the past. What an amazing ability that would be! We all have regrets and guilt; wishing we could take back certain words or actions or sorry that we didn’t take a chance because fear held us back. One of the main characters, Angus Armstrong, lives a life of remorse after placing a curse on the Brookes family. The story spans several generations, Angus’ actions affecting family after family, until descendants of both the Armstrong and Brookes families seek to end the endless cycle of pain. There is a dark side to this book, but if you’re familiar with my style of writing, I always end on a hopeful note. I remember Oprah saying once that she didn’t like books with happy endings because they weren’t realistic. I respectfully disagree, Ms. Winfrey. I love stories of redemption all wrapped up in romance, history, and (of course!) the paranormal. More than that, though, I believe in happy endings, both literary and real. Enjoy.